100 Posts!

Hey, great news! Today marks the 100th post on this site! I can't believe that I'm still posting on this site three years later...I'm glad I still have the spark to write in me. Here is a new poem:

And I don’t even know your name
But I’m giving myself the blame
Don’t even know what you’re looking for
But I know it’s so much more
Than I know how to give

And I’m staring to go insane
This silence is giving me shame
I’m about to walk out the door
Though I know there’s so much more
Than I know how to live

I’m ready to reveal a part of me
That it should take longer to see
Ready to show you my deepest dream
To show you I’m more than I seem
But I’m ready too soon

I don’t know what I want this to be
I don’t know how I’m so ready
Ready to commit to the extreme
At the point where I’m gonna scream
All I can do is swoon

And I can’t even get close to you
I can’t cross the distance between us
And I don’t know what to do
What should I say to get your trust

And I don’t even know your name
I know I’m so easy to see through
I guess I’m the one to blame
But all I can do is stare at you

Anthony C, "From Across the Room"

Lyrics

This next poem isn't really a poem so much as it is a song. With a lot of my poetry, my words and experiences influence the work, but they don't reflect the final product accurately. In other words, the poem reflects feelings, but not actual occurances. Basically, not all of my poetry is based on fact so much as a feeling that I ran with. Running with the feeling that I had as the inspiration of this work, this was the final product. Hope you all enjoy.

Sweet nothings that I told you
Please, they were so clichéd
All the shit that you put me through
I can’t remember why I stayed

Looking back there’s something I’m missing
An answer to a question
You thought of me when you were kissing
But was I there when you fucked him

I cared to stay (I can’t remember why)
We thought this way (it’s just a lie)
Would be the best for us (for one another)
But we had no trust (in each other)

We only lied to each other
To save ourselves from being alone
All the fights were too much to weather
Hours of silence on the phone

That speaks to me (it’s screaming now)
Of misery (can you tell me how)
We lost our way (gone forever)
We had to stay (and now we’re stronger)

I miss the way you held my hand
I can’t make you understand
We never wanted one another
We just wanted to hold each other

I kept you far from me (kept deep inside)
Didn’t want you to see (feelings I had to hide)
I’m not the perfect guy (I wanted you to stay)
That was the lie (that pushed you away)

I appreciate the irony
That we felt the same
Now I feel it’s plain to see
That we’re both to blame

This is goodbye (I’ll always care for you)
Don’t let me see you cry (you’ve go no reason to)
We were looking out for one another
It turned out we hurt each other.

Anthony C, "Lies Kept Us Together (and tore us apart)"

Waiting

This is me, falling again
No, jumping off of security
Straight into the unknown.
This is me, knowing better
But knowledge can’t hold it’s own
Against something so irrational.
This is me, wanting again
Against all hope
Hoping this time it’s different.
This is me, giving in
Putting my all into this
No longer holding back.
This is me, wanting only you.

Anthony C, "No More Waiting"

Direction

We’re all just pieces in this,
Put together to make something we contribute to
But can’t understand completely
It’s up to us to play our part without question
But I’m stuck here wondering why.
I’m waiting for the breakdown
Of the significance of my existence
But I’m asking the wrong questions
Or maybe just the wrong people
Looking for the answers to a question I don’t know
But at least a part of me has found some peace
Among the pieces without direction.

Anthony C, "Direction"

Instantaneous

One of the things that bothers me most about people is their lack of confidence in themselves. We fail to believe in our abilities (and I'm included in this) and we come up short from what we try to accomplish. A undying faith in ourselves would cause us to achieve our dreams, but we come so close to what we want just to lose it because we are wrapped up in the belief that we will fail. We fail because we believe we will. This poem is about that lack of self confidence.

You were everything to me for just an instant
A fading memory now, but one I don’t want to disappear.
Maybe for an instant you did care,
Or you thought of us in some small way.
I don’t care if it was for a night
Or for an eternity, just a little bit.
Foolish of me to think that I need this now
But I’m past the delusional point of thinking
That you’re above me,
That I can’t reach you.
But I indulged too much,
Greedily consuming the future
Without even paying attention to the present.
You passed me by in an instant,
Too fast for me to catch.
It was only an instant
But I missed,
And I can never let that go.

Anthony C, "A Snap of The Fingers"

All it takes is one snap of your fingers, and the moment's gone, never to return.

(I promise I'll post something not as depressing soon, the past several have been pretty sad.)

Burn This City

Extra points for the person who figures out where the title for this post is from.

It’s nothing more than an instant, that’s all it took
For you to show me what I was missing.
That instant was more than a decade
I completely changed over that time.
One glance, one shot, one look
These moments are worth remembering
Every other form of beauty is a façade
Not seeing you before was a crime.
The instant you walked through the door shook
Me up completely, nothing else is worth having
Your natural beauty can’t be created or made
You’ve ruined my reality, nothing is fine.
For taking that from me, you’re a crook.
Thanks for everything
I didn’t know I was going to get played
Honestly, it’s fine, I really don’t mind.

Anthony C, "How Else to Say You’re Beautiful?"

Honestly, it's just a matter of time before you get it...

Lips of an Angel

Has there ever been one girl you just could never stop thinking about, despite distance and time wearing away your memory the memories just don't fade and you can't let her go? Even if you never got far with the girl, or even told her how you felt, it's just like...unfinished business, something you can't forget. Your mind just flashes to those memories, and you feel an aching peace that never fades, and the only way you know of to get it to go away is to fill in the gaps in memory and make new memories with the girl. You lie awake at night hoping that one day, she'll return and you'll sweep her off her feet, and you two will finally fill in the gaps. This is about one of those girls.

How can someone feel the same after three years
Memories of days spent in a field
Lying in the grass next to you
Not saying one word, not feeling out of place
We watched everyone else from afar,
Cupid’s Chokehold already grasping my neck
Taking away the air from my lungs
I sat there watching the sky through my tinted sunglasses
They hid my eyes from stealing glances at you
Maybe at one point, you felt the same way
Three years ago, maybe you felt the way I still feel today.
Did you move on? Will these words reach you someday?
I doubt you’ll ever read this,
I doubt I’ll ever be that close to you again
But three years is worth the wait,
I’d wait for those lips forever.

Anthony C, "Three"

She comes back to you, after three years. You're left standing there, awestruck that your dreams are right in front of you, tangible, clear. You stand there, trying to find the words you've saved for three years, but you've misplaced them. In those moments you're left standing there, she's waiting to hear you speak, but nothing comes out, all your words are gone. She walks away, and you're left standing there with nothing but the haze, your chance gone. You return home, lay in your bed, and think of what you'll say to her the next time you see her.

Too Long

All I can say is that it's been too long. I haven't posted anything in almost a year, and I was wondering if I'd ever be able to write anything ever again. I feel like my poetry is actually good now and that I can write someting again. No idea why I stopped writing, and no idea why I came back to it, but it helps me channel my thoughts into something finer than a jumble of emotions and fleeting images. Plus, I like it a lot. Course I do, I wrote it...anyway, now that I've got some more time to think, I've got more time to write. Here it is, after a long time gone (though short but sweet).

You make me linger
Just watching you smile
For all the strength I have
I can’t compete with that.

I’m still standing here
But I’m unaware why
I know I’m waiting on you
To realize what I’m not saying
At least not with my words
It’s what I want to hear from you.
I’m always listening for it.

Anthony C, "Listening"

My Reply

And there's a beautiful girl snoring in my bed as I post this...
Listening to: The Ataris

I am lost in an ancient jungle
Of wood carvings and figurines
Long faces and stretched out creatures
Tell me sir, why do you look so sad?
Perhaps it’s boring here in the silence and monotony
Or maybe you’re just pissed off
At everyone staring at you
Every kid passing you by saying
“Hey mommy, look at the funny man!”
I can understand your frustration
But I won’t look at you and joke.
We’re friends, aren’t we?
Though communication between us gets in the way
We understand each other in silence.
I continue to walk these halls
Breaking the silence with each foot crashing down
The sound of my pants legs rubbing together.
I can’t help but wonder how I’m making an impression
How I’m the center of attention
The piece of art on display
I am the inconstant, the variable
Thrown into this museum
Destroying the perfect balance, the silence
Between modern and contemporary
How I wish to be a part of the balance
Remain immortal like this tapestry
Ah, but to be trapped behind plexar for eternity?
Perhaps being ordinary is just a little more fun
And allows you to be on the good side of the glass;
I know I’d hate children if they stared at me.

Anthony C, "Between Modern And Contemporary"

The Recipe For Attraction

1 clove of preparation.
3 cups of tact.
½ a tablespoon of originality.
2 dashes of familiarity.
1 bag of sexiness.
1 pinch of hindsight.
4 bowls of humor.
Wisk until evenly spread,
Then serve warm, with a garnish of ingenuity.