Spider's Last Moment
Over the past few weeks, I've been playing a lot of spider solitaire. I don't know why, it's just a really captivating fun game. It didn't hit me until just tonight, I realize now that spider solitaire is just a reorganization of self....and the more you move around and organize, the more you unearth and have to deal with...and when it's not in order, you get fucking pissed off. A lot. But when it's all fixed and back in order...there is no greater feeling. Putting lives back into order...it's just a subconscious satisfying feeling of mine...and I don't know why I do it. I try to help out everyone I can but myself...maybe helping others just makes me feel better.
I overload sometimes though...having to move around all those cards, staring at the screen until my eyes burst...but I don't look away, even if I'm about to lose my eyes, I keep on focusing on the game at hand until I succeed or until I fail. If the cards don't work out, I try again, and I keep on trying until I succeed. It's that dedication that I want to apply into life.
But that's not the answer to the question. I want to know WHY I do it. I want to know what part of me is compelled into putting myself through things that don't make me happy. As much as I love to organize other people's lives, it just hurts me. Maybe I'm just a glutton for pain. But I avoid telling people my problems with them. I just let my problems with everyone sit and fester until I go crazy. Sometimes, it's for the best, and sometimes, it's not. But that's just how I am, and it's a piece of me that I have to accept. Some things you just can't change about yourself. Life would be so much easier if it were just a game. If only they made a videogame for solving my problems, like a therapy session, but on my xbox. Like Halo but with sofas instead of SMGs...
And yes, I realize the implications of my statement, and i acknowledge the fact that I am a nerd. If you don't like it, then Fuck Off.
So, in order to solve the world's problems, I have come up with the perfect solution: play some spider solitaire. It'll make you feel in control and organized.
...unless you lose of course.
(one suit doesn't count)
I overload sometimes though...having to move around all those cards, staring at the screen until my eyes burst...but I don't look away, even if I'm about to lose my eyes, I keep on focusing on the game at hand until I succeed or until I fail. If the cards don't work out, I try again, and I keep on trying until I succeed. It's that dedication that I want to apply into life.
But that's not the answer to the question. I want to know WHY I do it. I want to know what part of me is compelled into putting myself through things that don't make me happy. As much as I love to organize other people's lives, it just hurts me. Maybe I'm just a glutton for pain. But I avoid telling people my problems with them. I just let my problems with everyone sit and fester until I go crazy. Sometimes, it's for the best, and sometimes, it's not. But that's just how I am, and it's a piece of me that I have to accept. Some things you just can't change about yourself. Life would be so much easier if it were just a game. If only they made a videogame for solving my problems, like a therapy session, but on my xbox. Like Halo but with sofas instead of SMGs...
And yes, I realize the implications of my statement, and i acknowledge the fact that I am a nerd. If you don't like it, then Fuck Off.
So, in order to solve the world's problems, I have come up with the perfect solution: play some spider solitaire. It'll make you feel in control and organized.
...unless you lose of course.
(one suit doesn't count)
posted by Anthony | 12:32 AM
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